Where’s a benevolent dictator when you need one?

Attention is called to the health of our civil society, the strength of the polity and the engagement of the citizenry in the democratic process. After all, there’s an election on.

How does one place a finger on society’s political pulse to determine which issues furrow the commuter’s brow? Hitting the streets would lead to undesirable physical contact with Mr. and Mrs. Citizen and watching television, exposure to harmful mediocrity waves.

In the information age, electronic organs of record can help us keep in touch with the Zeitgeist. So, to illustrate the current affairs which most interest Australians, here is a list of the 10 most popular stories from the http://www.news.com.au/ website yesterday (and a helpful summary of each).

Man levitates outside the Whitehouse –Yogic flying in the no fly zone.

I love The Chaser, says TT host – A cry for mercy destined to fall on smug, deaf ears.

Idol's Dicko canned by US critics – That’s Dicko, people.

Mum cleared of killing babies - Surely that should read “Woman cleared…”?

Schoolgirl, 11, smashes record – ...after mistaking it for a very thin Frisbee.

Local whiz speeds up broadband... – Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Dannii and Shaz in TV 'bust-up' – Minor Minogue fails to pass sugar to Mrs. Prince of Darkness.

Prices jump, rate rise coming – A misprint?

Five years' jail for digital rape – Most readers clicked this looking for digital images (and not of a digit).

Falzon 'stronger' after Sonny – From repeatedly lifting him against the lavatory wall, perhaps?

Careful analysis reveals two indisputable facts. First, a hard news story snuck in at number 8. Second, we do not deserve the vote.

An American friend was recently bailed up by an elderly bore. American, are you?, he enquired. People get the government they deserve, you know.

My friend was too polite to raise the obvious retort: Actually, aged dipshit, I think you mean, 50% of the people get the government they deserve.

However, in the light of this research, the aged one may have been more prescient than he could have imagined.

In case you’re wondering if the popular stories list was an aberration, further research today reveals that “Man levitates outside the Whitehouse” is now the most and the fourth most popular story. So, things are looking up.