Hilarys wank

While some Hollywood celebrities preach about world affairs, others don’t know much at all about the world. Or, it seems, technology. For, if the star of Million Dollar Baby had heard of the series of connected data networks (a network of networks, if you will, AKA the “internet”) or of a company called Google, she may have avoided her recent brush with unsavoury Chechens.

Instead, Misss Wank, outsourced her life to managers who booked her for the gig, which she apparently accepted without question and for which she took payment - until word leaked out. Then, of course, it was time to donate the money to charity and fire all involved.

Swank’s new management represents Kim Kardashian – a team with a proven track record of landing gigs on terms which permit you to make a deal, dupe the public, break the deal and keep the $.

Role model lets down youngsters (again)

Is there no end to misbehaving celebrity role models trashing the dreams of youngsters who hope to emulate their glorious success?

Now we must add to the long list of celebrity shockers that begin with “C” (Carney, Carey, er…) the name Cullen.

Aspiring artists across the country were appalled to learn that Adam Cullen has been caught by police driving while intoxicated and heavily armed.

Parents collecting their children from pre-school today were questioning whether “artistic” “activities” like finger painting and pasta gluing were sufficiently structured for young minds. Some parents openly worried whether a blank bit of card really was a gateway to self-expression or a seductive portal to anarchy, alcohol and firearms.